Me: What would you feel if I choose to be with him?
Paolo: I’ll be super sad. But if you’re going to be happy and contended with him, then I’ll understand.
Paolo: Do what you think is right. But make sure that you’ll be happy with your decision not because you have to, but because you want to. Okay?
This conversation between me and Babe happened 11 months ago, back when things were crazy and confusing. I think I posted this here because I want to remember these words. This was the conversation that changed everything. After hearing him say, “…not because you have to, but because you want to…”, I realized that I knew what I want–him–and I was just afraid of doing the thing that goes exactly against what I think I have to do, which is to stay with the ex then.
I was terribly afraid of hurting somebody the way I experienced the same kind of pain before, but if I didn’t take the chance, I’d probably be haunted by my “what if’s” forever.